


maybe we're better (off)

by Natty_Stark



Series: Steep: The Road We Took And Left [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), F/M, Nightmares, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-06
Updated: 2020-06-06
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:47:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24572548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natty_Stark/pseuds/Natty_Stark
Summary: They both each try to keep their ghosts at bay, unfortunately for them, it didn't like to be kept hidden for so long.
Relationships: Steve Rogers & Natasha Romanov, Steve Rogers/Natasha Romanov
Series: Steep: The Road We Took And Left [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1776091
Comments: 3
Kudos: 27





	maybe we're better (off)

**Author's Note:**

> a small one-shot and yeah it's angsty sorry :< can't stop myself.
> 
> maybe a bit of ptsd there...sorry

They both each try to keep their ghosts at bay, unfortunately for them, it didn't like to be kept hidden for so long.

Steve attacks her three weeks after everyone had been dusted by the purple alien, who seems to be a favorite subject of their nightmares now. 

He thinks she's one of those aliens, the moment she walked through the door of the meeting room.  
Steve apologizes profusely, crying and shaking in her arms while she soothes him with whispers of 'okays' and 'alrights', ignoring the accidental black eye he gave her.

She tells him it's alright, and it happens. Though, Steve is never convinced, and Natasha stops sneaking up on him.

A month later, Natasha's ghosts in her dreams sneaks up on her one night, accidentally holding Steve at gunpoint, when he turns on the TV for some news, only for it to show one of those war movies.

He holds her the same way she did the first night, telling her sweet whispers in her ear, crying along with her.

Three months pass, since it happened, Steve drops something that adds a bitter ghost for her fight at night.

"I'm going to Brooklyn." He tells her, shuffling his feet on the wooden floor. Natasha's mask almost crumbles at the announcement, so she nods and gives him the best smile she could muster.

"That's great!" She chirps, though her heart wasn't in it, in fact it was hollow, like the air inside was ripping apart.

Steve knows she wasn't happy with it, even his own heart breaks and falls at the tone of her voice. She may try to look happy, but he knows better.

"Nat..." His brows turns into one of his most infamous puppy eyes thing, though this one seems to be a bit sadder, "I-I can pull out of my schedule if you want--"

"That's the last thing I would let you do." She cuts him off, coldly in fact. It sends chills on Steve's back, almost staggering to sit on the empty chair behind him.

She sighs, and leaning her back against the chair, crossing her arms.

"It's alright. You can leave me here."

There she said it, like a child not wanting to let her toy go. She didn't want him to go, he was the only light she found in those past few months, it's still a hellish fuck up nightmare until now. 

"Are you sure?" 

He's unsure, thinking that it might be too early to go. But Steve was fed up with all the hollow noises, the faces he sees or hears everytime he turns. Sam's laugh, Vision's weird mechanical noises, or Wanda's red tendrils of her powers trailing behind wherever she goes. But they're gone, he berates himself, but it's all too much, feeling like the compound was going to drown him alive with all these ...memories dancing behind his eyes. He needed to get out before he went crazy.

Natasha looks at him, like those looks she gave to him in those Pre-Avengers days, like a stranger, like ...like she's trying to understand him. Though, as the days went, their deep bond seemed to be strained. The banters were almost forced, conversations short, and the only thing that kept it going was their comfort in each other's arms at him, cuddling or staring at the stars at night in simple silence. Overdue silence.

She let him go, before they both were going to lose it. And that won't do well for both of them, if it comes to that. She hopes not.

She nods slowly, tearing her eyes away from him and onto her desk. "Yeah, I'm alright. Don't worry about me." She says it almost as if she's memorizing a script or reciting a premade poem. She almost feels mechanical at that point.

Steve gives her one sad look, a look he knows she hates, he waits for her to scream not to go. Cry or wail, or pin him on the floor and knock him out or something. 

But he is only met by silence, both of them staring at the edge of her desk, waiting for each other to speak up and say something.

She clears her throat, fighting the tears that suddenly forms in her eyes, "Don't you have somewhere to go?" Her voice cracks at the last words, and she hates it. Hating the vulnerability she has shown, though, it makes her think she feels human enough, because the rush of emotions keeps hitting her hard. 

"I...yeah," He replies blankly, but he doesn't dare to move an inch. 

Silence befalls between them again, that makes her want to scream at Steve's decision to leave, but she couldn't. She won't. She can't.

It took a few minutes for Steve to realize that he wasn't moving, looking up at her with a small that can't quite reach his eyes, a smile she's always disappointed at receiving, because the crinkles at the corners of his eyes doesn't appear, so she dislikes it.

"I'll see you around." He gives her one last look, that seems to say, Be Careful, two words that maybe gives her a bit of hope.

So, she smiles back half-heartedly, the pain in her chest still there. "Be careful, Soldier." She calls out, her voice cracking again, and she let a few tears fall when he turns his back and leaves her in the big hollow space of the compound.


End file.
